New images show proof of the Loch Ness Monster! (Or ducks, probably)


One of the fundamental tenets of the scientific method is that if new evidence shows you wrong, you must admit it and update your worldview.

Well, we admit it: we were wrong. The Loch Ness Monster is realand now there is proof.

Look at this? That V-shape in the water? It’s Nessie. Or at least it could be, according to the English couple who filmed the arguably slightly underwhelming footage.

“I really don’t know what was in the water. It was something big. I don’t think it really fits the size of the video,” the woman, who like her husband prefers to remain anonymous, told the Daily Mail.

“From what we could assess, it was between 20 and 30 feet long,” she said.

If, like us, you’re having trouble distinguishing that level of detail from the video, fear not: the couple insists it was more impressive in person. Apparently the “creature” was “propelling itself with something”, possibly a fin or some kind of limb, which it used “like an oar”.

The beast also appears to have had the shape of Nessie’s telltale plesiosauroid body, with “bumps or bumps or whatever” that “disappeared under the water,” the woman explained.

Now, some of you who are speaking ill may point out the many, many instances where previous “sightings” of the Shy Cryptid have turned out to be more mundane examples of local wildlife, such as seals, fish, or * checks notes * logs.

But according to Gary Campbell, Keeper of the Official Loch Ness Monster Register, it’s some of the best evidence he’s ever seen in favor of the monster’s existence.

“There have been a couple of really good videos in the past,” Campbell told the Mail. “But it’s definitely up there with the best of them. When something like this happens that’s really inexplicable, then that’s awesome.

Of course, with most scientific findings of this magnitude, you would expect fairly rigorous peer review. Although Campbell has the experience – he has dedicated the last 26 years of his life to recording sightings of the 1,500-180,000,000-year-old Scottish resident – the couple welcome further scientific scrutiny, telling the Mail which they would “definitely like for someone to analyze the video.

“If it helps anyone understand what’s out there, that would be our absolute pleasure,” the woman told the Mail. “We would be delighted.”

If so, we have great news for the couple, as Dr. Darren Naish, zoologist and author of Monster Hunting: Cryptozoology and the Reality Behind the Mythsindeed analyzed the video.

“I think they’re probably ducks,” he said. mentioned footage.

Despite the obvious fact that there is no official record of Loch Ness ducks, Naish told the Mail that the video showed ‘nothing more than unidentifiable spots on the water’.

“There’s no indication we’re seeing anything particularly large or unusually shaped,” he said. “Based on the appearance of the boats from the same location and approximate distance, the objects must be small – I estimate less than 50cm [19.7 inches] long. I see no reason why they can’t be birds.

But what about the giant V, Naish? Surely it couldn’t be caused by a duck?

“The wakes they leave on the surface look interesting,” Naish told the Mail, “but wakes like this are common on the surface of the loch when conditions are good.”

Well… fine. Let’s say the jury is still out on the existence of a solitary Plesiosaurus somehow surviving in a Scottish lake for millions of years, passing the time looking out of the water just long enough to let a few random tourists take a blurry photo that looks, through no fault of their own, oddly like a toy submarine with a sculpted Nessie head stuck to the top.

Too bad. At least it wasn’t a huge whale cock this time.


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